Hot Days
by Daisy7
Summary: Okita faints under the scorching heat of the sun. Shinpachi takes him in. And then comes the "switching places" plot. And I take back what I said earlier (No Pairings thing), there will be slight OkiKagu and um, you'll get the plot as it progresses. Rated T for Kagura's favored language. 3rd chapter up.
1. Switching places

It was the hottest day ever. The sun's glare seemed to follow his path as he patrolled down the streets. The air was really hot and humid; it hurt to even breathe normally. The marketplace was filled with both humans and aliens. Stinking smell of sweat, dust, and smoke was overwhelming. The Sadist had been walking around the assigned district for hours. As punishment for blowing up a good chunk of the Shinsengumi Headquarters for the nth time (probably because of the rocket launcher aimed for Hijikata, but narrowly missed) his patrolling hours extended until midnight.

"_Hey, Sougo," _a voice came from the walkie-talkie strapped to his belt. "_It's almost noon, move your ass to the Kabuki district." _Sougo groaned in response, not expecting that the person on the other line would hear. "_Oi, oi. Don't you even dare complain or I'll make you commit seppuku!"_

Okita grabbed the device and answered back, "My ass." Before the mayo-freak could reply, Sougo mustered up all his strength and threw it away as far as he could. He watched it fly away to the city, and then heard the sound of screeching tires followed by huge blast from where the gadget might have landed. Feeling a rush of contentment, he walked away, humming a song.

The back of his head throbbed. His breaths were short and quick. Everything was fuzzy around the edges. He was sweating all over and his legs were wobbly. All of the sudden, he couldn't breathe through his nose. His hand went up to his face and felt the warm liquid. Blood. _Oh, great. _He thought as he wiped the blood off with the back of his hand_. _Sougo desperately looked for a shade but found nothing. Every corner of the district was conquered by the sun's heat. After a few more minutes, he slumped against a wall and slid down. He sighed in defeat.

"Oro? Okita-kun?" was all he heard before his consciousness drifted to Dreamland.

The sun was scattering its rays in his eyes when Sougo woke. Unlike earlier, it was warm and comfortable because of the cooler temperature he's currently in. He found himself in an unfamiliar futon and decided to remain a little longer. The Sadist stared up the ceiling as he tried to recall the memories about how he was lead here. Getting his patrol hours to extend, groaning silently in his head and walking down the streets. Getting reprimanded by Hijikata through the walkie talkie, throwing the device away (which caused an accident), humming contentedly. Panting. Staggering. Ooozing blood. Fainting.

_Where Am I?_

Okita sat up and glared thoughtfully down at the kimono he was wearing. It was long, white and the edges were printed with blue swirls. _This-!_

He thought with more effort. Sougo didn't remember reaching the natural perm's apartment but he did remember having his uniform peeled away and then a pair of unfamiliar hands faintly wiping cold, damp cloth unto his sweltering skin. And then he did remember a pair of oblique spectacles. He looked around the room. It was tidier than he had expected it to be since Gintoki was the one living here. He chuckled at the thought of the sweet-toothed, lazy-ass, enthusiastic nose and earwax digger, silver-haired man cleaning his own apartment. There was no sight of an air conditioner but beside him was little electric fan with a bowl of ice cubes in front of it.

_No wonder why the air was cool._ He thought. The door slid open and a bespectacled boy wearing blue hakama stood by the entrance, carrying his folded uniform and katana. "Oh, good, you're awake." Shinpachi smiled at him cheerfully. He entered the room and put down the uniform beside the sadist.

"Hey, Shinpachi-san. How did I end up here?"

Shinpachi looked at him thoughtfully. "You fainted beside the door of the apartment. The three of us saw you and carried you in."

"And this-," The sadist pointed at the kimono he wore.

Shinpachi laughed. "Oh, that. You're uniform was too thick for the weather so I borrowed one of Gin-san's kimono for you." The younger boy noticed Sougo's disgusted face then added, "I do the Gin-san's laundry so don't worry about stray boogers."

Okita sighed in relief. Just the thought of those unsanitary beings was enough to turn his stomach upside down. Shinpachi stood up and walked out the door.

"I've prepared lunch so you can come down if you feel better." He said over his shoulder before sliding the door close.

_He's one decent young man. _He pondered. _But he spoils his friends too much_.

When he arrived at the dining table, there was, indeed, food. Shinpachi occupied one of the sitting cushions, reading a book. He only looked when Okita sat down in front him from across the table. "Eat as much as you want, Okita-san. You can take Gin-san's share since he's out for a job." He said. "And Kagura picked up Sadaharu for his walk."

The lunch Shinpachi looked, smelled and tasted good. The food was relatively ordinary but it was long time since Okita ate such a nice homemade meal. It composed mainly of deep fried tofu, hot miso soup, tamagoyaki and warm white rice. But it Okita found it hard to swallow when he felt the nostalgia it brought. It tasted like his sister's cooking.

"Thish ibs bweally gooch," Okita complimented him with his mouth full of food. Shinpachi laughed at the sound the sadist made. He looked at him and said, "Bwhat sho fbunny?"

The younger boy wiped a tear in his eye and recovered almost instantly. "Nothing. Don't mind me."

Something clicked inside Okita. The thought made him grin from ear to ear (spilling the food from his mouth in the process). Shinpachi saw his rape face (kinda) and shrunk back. The sadist swallowed the food. "Say, Shinpachi. Do you want to play?" He smiled again wantonly.

"Okita-kun, are you sure this is alright?" said Shinpachi as the sadist caressed his hair. He wore Okita's Shinsengumi uniform, his glasses were replace by reddish-brown contact lenses (thankfully, he could still see clearly), and having his hair dyed light brown by the sadist.

"It'll be alright as long as you do what I said earlier," He said in a soothing voice which terrified Shinpachi even more. "Don't worry about anything at all. They will treat you like a god."

_Just how sadistic is this man?!_ He thought. Okita pulled back and marvelled at his work. "It's perfect! They'll never know it's you."

While Shinpachi is dressed in his uniform, Okita also changed into Shinpachi's blue hakama and dyed his hair black. They both faced the mirror and smiled.

"OOOI, SHINPACHI! IS FOOD READY?" they both jumped at the loud Chinese accent they heard outside the bedroom. Shinpachi paled and almost ran for the door but Okita held him back. "Hey, hey, calm down, Okita-kun. It's me they're calling, right?" Okita smiled at him sweetly. He knew this smile. He saw it every time he smiled at the mirror. Shinpachi exhaled, trying to get his nerves calm down. Okita walked out the door and shouted back, "Coming!"

Shinpachi listened closely at the voices downstairs.

"Oi, Shinpachi, is food ready? How's the sadist?" Kagura said.

"Food is on the table, sweetie. And Okita-kun is upstairs, getting ready to leave." The bespectacled boy could feel the feigned affection in Okita's voice.

"You sound weird, Shinpachi."

Okita chuckled nervously. "W-well, I-it's just snot clogging up my nose. I think I'll have a cold soon."

Kagura grumbled. "You better be careful, Shinpachi. The news said that today is the hottest day ever recorded!"

"Really? That's sounds...nice."

"What's so nice about the weather? Have you forgotten that we, Yato, are weak against too much heat?"

"Oh, geez, I never forget. I-"

Shinpachi thought it was time for him to cut in. He quickly ran down the stairs and flew in to kick Kagura. She immediately noticed his presence and jumped side wards to evade the attack. Shinpachi landed on the spot where Kagura was.

"Hey, Sadist. You better now? You're pretty slow today." Kagura chirped and gave him a toothy grin. Shinpachi looked at his partner in crime and raised an eyebrow, sending him an obvious, emphatic message. _Really? Just how do you two fight?_

Okita bit his lower lip and rolled his eyeballs. _It's hell._

"Oi, why'd you stop? Do that again!"

When Shinpachi was about to reply, Okita cut in with a cheerful smile and said, "If you two fight here, I'll make you clean the bathroom with your tongue and never cook food for you again."

For a second, the formerly bespectacled youth dreaded that Kagura would sense something wrong. But Kagura pouted at his counter-part and said, "No, don't do that. I only want your food."

"Okay, now stop arguing with our guest here and go eat your food."

Shinpachi gaped at the scene. Okita actually managed to stop Kagura by bribing her with food. "How long are you going to stay here? Go back to the Headquarters. I'm sure they're looking for 'you'."

"Okita-san, what if-" The sadist delved his fingers into Shinpachi's open mouth and pinched his tongue between his middle finger and forefinger. "Sshhh..Calm down, Shin-chan. It's easy to be me. Just consult the list I wrote for you if you don't know what to do."

Feeling slightly relieved at the reminder, Shinpachi nodded.


	2. GAME ON

Okay, so ummm. . . I felt really happy with the reviews. I read them until I was 'satisfied'. So, about the "no pairings" stuff? I FORMALLY TAKE IT BACK! Yes, people! There will be slight OkiKagu! I hope someone is satisfied. Thank you for reading this fanfiction. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Gin: Oi, where was I in the last Chapter? I'm the main protagonist! I should get more screen time! Oi! Don't ignore me!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama. Hideaki has all the pleasure.

* * *

Shinpachi's eyes narrowed as he carefully read the list. It was written clearly in Okita's (surprisingly) flawless handwriting but . . . .

Okita Sougo's to-do list:

Kill Hijikata with a throwing knife

Kill Hijikata with a poisoned arrow

Kill Hijikata with drugged mayo

Kill Hijikata with grenade launcher

Kill Hijikata with bazooka

And so on...

He should've expected this. He shouldn't have agreed to the prank in the first place if he knew about the list. Shinpachi was nervous- almost afraid. This was different, new, and exciting. He really didn't know what to do. The uniform felt hot and uncomfortable, the sword hanging from the belt gave him that foreign, peculiar feeling since he always used a bokken instead of a real sword. _It's easy to be me,_ Okita had said. Shinpachi wondered what he meant about it.

Shinpachi continued strolled down the streets, watching out for any discordance within the bustling district.

-Yorozuya HQ-

Okita squinted through the spectacles. It was clear that Shinpachi's eyesight really is awful because of the grade of the lenses. But what bothered the sadist was that he could see much better with the glasses on. Everything was suddenly bright and vivid the moment he put them on. He could see even the smallest of dust in the darkest corner of the room. It was the other thing that really bothered him to the point of suspicion. The spectacles also gave him an irresistible urge to clean everything. Everything.

He watched his eternal rival eat in a barbaric manner. It was kinda cute. The Yato gracefully picked every food on the table with chopsticks and it would suddenly disappear in the depths of her mouth. And the way Kagura would ask him another bowl of white rice with a toothy grin was . . . yeah . . . cute. As the redhead chowed down her 10th bowl of rice, Okita found himself staring at her face.

"Oi, Shimnpanchi, whasht wong?" Kagura noticed the intense atmosphere. He didn't move nor even respond. He was looking at her with red glowing eyes behind the spectacles. Kagura waved a hand in front of his gaze. "Oi. Shinpachi! Are you alright?"

'_Rice...on her cheeks...must...get...it...,' _Okita was in the middle of fighting the urge. His body felt terribly warm and numb as he tried to mentally suppress his own mind. And he was losing the fight.

Kagura couldn't bear the bespectacled boy's dark expression. She gingerly put down the rice bowl and chopsticks, stood up and went beside the Megane*. His eyes followed the rice on her cheeks. Those taunting, white puffs on her right cheek looked like they were singing and waving at him. _Come get us! Come get us!_

Kagura leaned in closer. "Hey, Shinpachi, you need to go to the toilet or something?"

_Shit, not good! At this point-!_

It was when his vision went black. There was a fast _whoosh_ of the wind and there was a cold, wet sensation on his hands. He heared Kagura's muffled scream as his body slowly became an arc of pure destruction. He was no longer a human being. The _urge_ slowly consumed his body and soul, creeping down from his brain to his feet. Until- "SHINPACHI, YOU IDIOT. STOP IT!"

Something hit his head and jolted the sadist back to reality. His vision cleared again. The Yato gal stood in front of him panting and clutching her red, swollen cheeks. His eyes fluttered down to his hand and saw a wet, piece of cloth used for wiping.

"KONOYARO! It hurts, dammit!" Kagura held her cheeks as she shouted at him. "What was that for?!"

"I...," The sadist froze in place. "What the heck did I do?"

"SO NOW YOU'RE ACTING DUMB, JUST WAIT AND SEE I'M GONNA WRAP YOUR BALLS-"

Before the Yato could say more, Okita grabbed her both of her wrists and pinned her against the wall. The force of it was so strong; Kagura could see stars from the unexpected crash. She tugged against his hold but it only made his grip tighter. One of his legs moved between hers, making it harder to escape.

"You're too noisy. It's annoying." He spoke slowly in his usual cold voice. Kagura could only stare at him in shock. "Let me kill you."

A sound of a sliding door being opened was heard from across the room followed by a lazy drawl coming from the Yorozuya Boss.

"I'm back. Is anybody there?"

"GIN-CHAAAAN!" Kagura managed to react first under the sudden confusion. "SHINPACHI FU**ING TRYING TO KILL ME!"

With one swift movement, Okita used the wall as a springboard, kicking it with force causing him to fly backwards and jumping over the table, food unharmed. He sat back on his original place just before the silver-haired perm went inside.

"Geez, it's too hot. You're blood is still boiling, Kagura?" Gintoki shuffled his feet towards the dinner table and sat down beside the fake Megane*. "Oi, what are you doing there?"

"THAT BASTARD TRIED TO KILL ME!" yelled Kagura, jabbing a finger to Okita's direction.

Gintoki stared at Okita with dead-fish eyes while the Sadist gulped down the nervousness. He perfectly hid his eyes beneath the hazy reflection of the light upon the oblique glasses as he stared back.

After a long minute, Gintoki smirked at Kagura. "Seriously? Pacchan here is trying to kill you?"

"No! Gin-chan, believe me, Shinpachi is really weird today-"

"Danna, would you like to eat some egg rolls? I made them especially for you today."

"Eh? Okay, did you add brown sugar in them instead of soy sauce?"

"Sure did," said Okita, remembering the strange taste the tamagoyaki had. Kagura still tried to convince Gintoki by telling him what happened but the natural perm dismissed her by burping at her face every time she stopped and waited for his reaction.

After Kagura gave up and decided to slump against the wall in utter defeat, Okita whipped up his best and smuggest smile to her.

_GAME ON_

* * *

**A/N: **Megane: Glasses or pun to people wearing glasses.

Sorry, I was a little "late". Ha-ha.

Blame the freaking Thesis. So, did you get Okita's devious idea of fun while staying in the Yorozuya? Do I have to write another chapter on Okita's side or focus the next one to Shinpachi's side?


	3. Pockets of DOOM

Like an idiot I am, I actually tried making egg rolls with brown sugar. It tasted,..Not recommended for people who doesn't have Gin's sense of taste. I'm not usually the person who updates stories so fast (I call updating within one month fast) but I got so wrapped up in this idea that I kept on losing my other ideas and well, I decided to prioritize this story. Ha-ha. I'm really sorry if some of you thought my Okita (I'm not claiming him) is so OOC. I'm not really good at portraying his character. I just became a Gin Tama fan and I'm still not catching up with the episodes. So far, I think Gin Tama has the most classic comedy not all animes have. It's the kind of humor that makes fun of something normal (I guess), make it into something incomprehensible and then that's where the straight man (Shinpachi or Hijikata) comes in to say something sensible and normal at last. That's how I understand Gin Tama, but I guess I'm still lacking. Please enjoy the next chapter. Are you ready? (Got this habit "are you ready?" from Okita Sougo's Fukiretta video from YouTube)

Dislaimer: I don't own Gin Tama.

* * *

Chapter 3: Shinsengumi pants are the safest place to hide some deadly things.

Shinpachi's side of things

The former Megane sat under the tree in a park, taking a break from patrolling. He didn't really do much- just walking down the streets, checking up on people, cleaning up after animals doing their business.

Why did Shinpachi agree to Okita's scheme?

Shinpachi had been asking that question to himself all day. He should be in the Yorozuya HQ washing their dishes and folding their sun-dried clothes he'd washed earlier in the morning. He should be relaxing on the sofa, sipping nice warm tea and watching a drama rerun with Gin-san and Kagura-chan. It was a daily routine. He does it every day. Always.

Shinpachi sighed. Maybe, that was it. He'd been doing the same thing almost every day that he unconsciously grew tired of it. His body craved for something new. Something exciting. Something that would make his heart run a marathon under the intense pressure. Something like . . . watching an old lady cross the road with so many vehicles racing around with speed that could spray one's insides with one hit. Wait. . . what?

The old, wrinkly lady wearing a kimono was in the middle of the road, walking oh-so-slowly on her trembling heels while the vehicles veered away and sang their loud horns with their drivers screaming like banshees.

"OBA-CHAAAAAAN!" Shinpachi screamed at the top of his lungs as he ran for the old lady. He barely dodged the cars and trucks before he reached her. Shinpachi panted heavily as he crouched down in front of her, reaching out his hands to find her legs. Her small, frail arms slowly encircled his neck.

"T-thank you, Officer-san. Policemen these days are quite helpful, aren't they?" She said behind him. Shinpachi pulled out a whistle from the pocket and blew a lungful of air in it. Almost immediately, the vehicles slowed down and skidded to a stop in front of them, allowing them to pass. When they safely reached the sidewalk, Shinpachi let the old lady down on the ground.

"Thank you so much, young man."

"I'm just doing my job," Shinpachi said warmly, "If you want to cross the road again, please take someone with you."

"I will." Then she turned her back to him and went the other way.

Shinpachi felt elated. Several emotions blossomed inside him, tickling his heart when the old lady thanked him. After a whole afternoon of walking around mindlessly, saving her was enough to give him a heads up and go on walking and watching out for trouble. He felt himself smile stupidly.

Adrenaline rush was pressuring but a highly stimulating experience (A/N It came out right, did it? Don't wanna look perverted here). One could feel their heart beat fast, their hot blood pumping hard and their strength suddenly increase. That's what Shinpachi missed for a long . . . maybe a few seconds ago. He ran at top speed following a man whom Shinpachi caught stealing a girl's purse. Shinpachi blew on his whistle once again in attempt to make the people give way for him to run after the thief. For what seemed like eternity of chasing, the thief ran into an intersection and got hit by a car. He landed a few yards away from the vehicle, unconscious on the sidewalk. Another Shinsegumi officer saw what happened and went to the man. His eyes widened when he saw the first division captain Okita Sougo from across the street.

"Sougo-taichou!"

Shinpachi crossed the road and went beside the man. He turned the unconscious thief on his back but the bright pink purse wasn't there.

It must've flown away from him when he got hit.

Shinpachi relived the scene again in his mind and calculated where the purse might've landed. His eyes followed the made up trail and saw the purse safe and unharmed. Only it was dangling on the side mirror of a ten-wheeler garbage truck that just took off.

_ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME?!_

"Taichou-"

"Take care of him. I still have some unfinished business." He said in a deadpan expression, hoping that he sounded like the real Okita.

"Understood." He replied with a salute.

He took off to follow the truck, this time taking a small pink bicycle with flashy ribbons he borrowed from a little girl.

The truck driver must've been drunk. It seemed weird when it took different routes. From the highway to the beach, through the jungle then a river, they even crashed a horserace where the Madao Hasegawa had been hanging around. No matter how fast he paddled the bicycle, he was still behind the butt of the truck. Sometimes, the truck would run on a stone making it jump a bit, and then pieces of trash would rain on him. Finally, the truck slowed down and went inside a gas station. Shinpachi stopped beside the truck, panting heavily. The rubber tires of the bike were smoking as it cooled down. He tried to stand up but his sore, wobbly knees won't let him. Everything else was blurry as he eyed the pink purse hanging on the side mirror. Then a scraggly, homeless man showed up. He looked at the pink purse as if his life depended on. He reached up, took the purse and looked at it like it was a diamond. Shinpachi tried to walk slowly and went to the homeless man.

"A-ano, Oji-san, that purse is mine." said Shinpachi. The old man looked at him suspiciously before tucking it deep in his coat.

"You gay?"

"What? I'm not gay!"

"You said the purse is yours and it's pink."

"JUST BECAUSE IT'S PINK, DOESN'T MEAN I'M GAY!" Shinpachi screamed hysterically.

"Well, everybody knows that pink is a feminine color. You're not gay, so this isn't yours." The homeless man ended his point cleverly before turning his back on Shinpachi.

"Oi, give it back! It's not yours, Oji-san!" Shinpachi yelled at him. "It's stealing, man!"

As if on cue, the old man sprinted away.

Shinpachi, in his worthless state, could only watch.

"Okita!" he heard a familiar voice. "Aren't you a little far away from your assigned district?"

_Okita Sougo's to-do list_, Shinpachi thought. _Where does he get those weapons, anyway?_

Shinpachi hoped what he concluded a few seconds ago was hand crept down to his right pocket. It went down, and down, and down, until Shinpachi got ahold of something. His fingers curled around it and pulled it out. The mouth of the pocket stretched to give way for the large hollow piece of metal Shinpachi dug out from the depths of the pants.

"Oi! Why're you bringing your bazooka out?! Where did it come from?!" Hijikata Toushiro yelled from behind him." What're you trying to do?!"

"Traffic control." Shinpachi said in monotone as he aimed for the running fugitive. Before pulling the trigger, he said, "Hasta la Vista, b***h"

_BOOM!_

* * *

"I think I went overboard. I'm sorry, Hijikata-san."

"SORRY DOESN'T COVER IT!"

"But I had no choice."

"I was there, you moron! You could've just asked me to help!"

Sigh.

"Tch. At least you did something sensible for the whole week."

". . ."

"Okita?"

_Snore._

'_Heh, He hasn't been trying to kill me for today.'_

He looked at Okita's peaceful sleeping face.

"Dream on, bastard"

* * *

A/N I'm dead. LOL.


End file.
